i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
