You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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