Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
