Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
