you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
