come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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