brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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