I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
