Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
