I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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