Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
