Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
