If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
