if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who wears a wallet chain?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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