just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize