The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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