I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
