if i can run in heels then i can drive
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
