The beer is more important than you right now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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