Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
