Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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