Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found a bag of teeth...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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