eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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