the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
