The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
