I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
