Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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