Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
