I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
