I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
