Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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