This is not my ceiling
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.