Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.