Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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