What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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