I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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