you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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