Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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