Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
