Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
