This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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