God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.