Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".