I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then