Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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(802): View more from Vermont

does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children

(1-802): View more from Vermont

actually, i try not to think about it

(802): View more from Vermont

and i pooped them out

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(904): View more from Florida

at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot

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(604): View more from British Columbia

What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.

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The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Read it at the TFLN blog
(312): View more from Illinois

the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.

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