At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...