I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
