I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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