I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We need to get me chipped asap
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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