was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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