He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
