Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
