So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
