Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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