Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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