with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
