i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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