There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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