Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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