So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
