i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
