i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
