Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
