His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
