I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
