there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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