Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
