talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
