3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
