i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
