In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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