I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
