Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
