Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
