Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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