John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
