Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
