don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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