grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
