if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
