i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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