I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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