omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
