she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
