A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
