oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
